Forever and a Day
by tjp
Summary: Kitty recalls a gift from Matt that declares his love for her.
1. Chapter 1

Forever and a Day

Kitty

Staring at the silver disk in my hand, I remembered the day in which it was given to me as if it were just moments ago. I always kept it in this old wooden box along with my most treasured possessions, but none could compare with this dulled piece of metal. Not my wedding band which came after many years of sacrifice, the cameo, or the most expensive jewelry: because on this one single item, my lover had made a declaration that carried me away.

It was more than thirty years ago when Matt returned from a trip to Hays. It was his first trip away after recovering from a near fatal encounter with the Mace Gore gang. In fact, it was a time when my world stood still because I really thought I had lost him for good.

Mace and his gang had taken over Dodge pillaging the town for everything of value. Matt in his attempt to get out of town was shot not once, but four times. Seeing him lying in the dirt on Front Street and hearing Doc say, "there's nothing I can do," left me devastated. With those words, my life ended. With those five little words, my best friend, my lover, and greatest gift were taken from me.

Words can't describe the loneliness and heartache I felt in that moment. It was like I was in a trance and my life was broken into millions of pieces never to be fixed. Later, sitting in my room barely acknowledging what was going on around me, I couldn't imagine going on. Thankfully, I was to find out later that it was just a ruse to keep Gore's men from completing the job.

As Doc directed my steps into the Long Branch after a long night of anguish and sorrow, I saw Matt sitting in the chair by the stairs. I couldn't get to him fast enough. My heart pounding and my mind telling me it couldn't be, I rushed to him putting my arms around him. I needed to feel the beat of his heart and the warmth of his skin to know that he was really alive. His arm went around me pulling me close and he buried his nose into my neck. It was like a dream, yet I knew it was real.

In our embrace, we couldn't get close enough. It was a relief when Doc and I helped Matt up the stairs to my room. Once we got his clothes off and in my bed, Doc cleaned his wounds placing fresh bandages on them and then left us alone. Through it all, my mind kept reminding me, "He's alive! He's alive!

After all these years, I don't think any one of the terrible things that happened to us could have been worse, even Bonner. Matt had been shot or threatened so many times before and after Gore. In later years, after he was shot once again, I ran away telling myself I couldn't take it anymore, yet I came back because my life without him was nothing. Gore's men took over the Long Branch. They stole the money, jewelry, and all the other possessions I owned, but none of that meant anything as long as I had my cowboy. When I thought Matt was dead my life ended because he was my life. The emptiness I felt was unbearable. Until he was given back to me, I was dead to myself and those around me.

That first night, as soon as Doc left my room, I removed my clothes and crawled under the covers with Matt laying my head on his chest careful to avoid his wounds and getting as close as I could. By the look in his eyes as I drew near to him, I knew our minds were one and that he needed it too. We both needed the intimacy and feel of the other's warm skin to know the nightmare was over.

Over the next few weeks, we talked more than we ever had. Matt was so open with his feelings for me sharing his love both verbally and physically. Neither one of us thought about the responsibilities outside that bedroom. At that time the only thing important was the two of us. We were both totally aware of how much we almost lost and how fragile life could be. We spent our time alone holding one another and as he recovered letting our bodies say what words couldn't. The night before he had to leave for Hays was the first time we had made love since that fateful night. Our bodies, minds, and souls became one in the most explosive climax we had experienced in our relationship both before and after that ill-fated evening.

That first trip away from each other was the hardest. It was so difficult to see him leave for Hays. In fact, it was tough on both of us. It was the only time until many years later that he came close to putting us before the badge and his job.

When he returned from Hays, Matt told me that he'd put a lot of thought into what we had talked about. He wanted to give me something to remind me of just how much he loved me. Something I would always have that told me his heart would always belong to me. We both knew at the time he wasn't ready for the ring and marriage, but every time he went away there was always the chance he wouldn't come home. It was important that if the day ever came; I would always have a token with his words of love.

I could imagine him at the jeweler's, carefully thinking out what he wanted to get me, keenly searching for something that would always remind me of him and his love for me. When he saw the small silver charm, he knew that was it. On one side was engraved the date when we realized how fragile life could be. The other side was inscribed with everything Matt felt and would always feel. That no matter how much time we had on this earth whether it would be a minute or an eternity, his love would last "forever and a day."


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

Kitty

Bringing myself back to the present, I thought about the last twenty-five years and how I cherished each and every moment.

Sitting down on the bed, I continued my journey through my memories. Gazing down at the silver charm, I remembered the night Matt gave it to me.

He had just returned from his trip to Hays. It was late in the evening. I was surprised he was home. I hadn't expected him before noon the next day. I was standing at the end of the bar and heard Buck before I ever laid eyes on my Cowboy. The relief I felt was tremendous. Looking up, he was standing tall outside the batwing doors. Our eyes met and the look said more than if we had verbally spoken. He nodded to me and went on his way. I knew he would have paperwork and want to clean up before coming back. As Matt walked away, I glanced at Sam and motioned that I was going up stairs.

Heating water that Sam had carried up earlier, I removed my clothes and slipped into the tub. I wanted this evening to be special. The nightmare of Gore still hung on even though it had been two months since that fateful night and we had been together only once since.

Finished with my relaxing soak in the tub, I wrapped myself in a towel. In the bedroom, I pulled open my dresser drawer and pulled out a satiny light blue gown. It shimmered in the light as I drew it over my head. The silkiness against my bare skin was heavenly.

Lost in thought, I could imagine the brush of his lips on my neck and shoulder. I shivered in anticipation of his arrival.

Finishing my nightly ritual, I poured two brandies and relaxed on the settee waiting for my lover to come.

I must have dozed because suddenly I could feel his lips brush mine. Opening my eyes, I stared into the gorgeous sparkling blue eyes of my cowboy.

Sitting down beside me, he pulled me into his strong embrace and kissed me as if we had been away from each other for a lifetime instead of just two weeks. As the kiss heightened, he picked me up and carried me to our bed. Placing me on my feet, I could feel the edge of the bed on the back of my legs. He slowly kissed his way from my lips, down my neck to my shoulder. Gently slipping the gown over my shoulders, he let it fall to the floor. As he continued to brush kisses on my skin, I began unbuttoning his shirt, gracing his magnificent chest with butterfly kisses after each button. Without a word uttered, I relieved him of his clothes. He again picked me up laying me on the bed and lying down beside me. Looking into my eyes, he said. "I missed you, sweetheart and I love you more than life itself." Those were the only words spoken as drew atop me and his mouth covered mine beginning that journey of ecstasy.

As we reached the height of our passion, each feeling the explosion within, Matt lowered his body down on mine. The heaviness felt like a comforting old quilt. Slowly, he rolled us on our side still joined as one. Brushing light kisses on my eyes, nose, and mouth, he told me again how much he loved me. As he said the words, I could see it shimmering in his eyes. As bad as our time had been the night Matt was shot, it changed us both. Even though we knew life was fleeting, it made us more in touch with our feelings for each other and Matt had become more verbal in sharing his feelings.

I felt such a loss when he pulled from me. Slowly, he rose from the bed and reached for his pants. Sitting up, I drew myself up to lean on the headboard, covering my breasts with the sheet. I was confused by his actions thinking he was going to dress and leave. I started to say something when he pulled a small box from his pocket and dropped the pants back to the floor. Crawling back on the bed, he placed himself in front of me.

Opening the box, he took out a silver chain with a charm attached. Unfastening it, he leaned toward me and placed it around my neck. He tenderly kissed my lips and whispered "I'll love you for all eternity and beyond, I'll love you forever and a day" as unshed tears shimmered in his eyes.

The charm graced itself between my breasts near my heart. Without uttering a word, I reached for the charm. On one side, I found the date of the night that revealed to us how fleeting life could be. On the other side was the phrase "forever and a day." As I read it, I realized how deep his love was for me and that he was mine heart and soul.

The next eight years brought happiness and heartache. We enjoyed time together both in Dodge and away. We also lived through kidnappings, gunshot wounds, rape, and conflicts.

After Bonner, our love grew stronger, but our intimacy became nonexistent. It took a long time before I could even think about letting the man I loved touch me. I was too afraid of the terrors it might bring. Finally, though on a spring day, we found our way back to that intimacy that so defined us.

We had no more made it through that traumatic time than Matt disappeared for over a month just to come home to tell me he had slept with another woman. Even though he didn't know who he was, it still shattered my heart knowing he had shared the most intimate part of himself with someone else.

Then when our trip to St. Louis was sidetracked because of a retrial, I lost it. It was an excursion to bring our relationship back from Matt's revelation about Arizona. When he told me we had to go back, I sent him away going on without him. Through a stage coach robbery, I met Will Stanbridge. Bringing him back to Dodge, I flaunted our relationship in front of Matt and all of Dodge which almost ended our long relationship. For Will offered me what Matt had as yet to do, marriage. Even when I went to Matt giving him the chance to stop it, asking him to tell me to say "no" to Will, he wouldn't. It was like he forgot what he put on the little silver charm all those years ago, but I hadn't so I sent Will on his way. Slowly, Matt and I found our way back once again.

As we went through these difficult times, I held onto the phrase Matt had placed on the charm. Each time things got stormy, I would take out the charm reading the phrase, "forever and a day," over and over.

I cherished the charm. The declaration Matt made with it gave me peace and I felt the strong pull of love it transmitted. So when Matt asked for it back, my heart shattered.

We had been going through another difficult time. Matt had been shot in the gun arm during a bank robbery. He lost the use of the arm and Doc said that it would take a long time to heal.

The next thing I knew Matt was preparing to leave Dodge. With his arm in a sling, he packed his bags. I tried to talk him out of it leaving, but no matter what I said, he was bound and determined to go. His fear of someone getting killed because he couldn't do his job wouldn't allow him to stay.

As I watched him mount Buck, I wondered if I would ever see him again. I knew the dangers he would face from outlaws. I also discerned that if he felt he would never be able to take on his responsibilities he might just keep riding never to return.

Fingering the charm, my eyes filled with tears I refused to shed, I watched as Matt rode out of town. My hope was that the phrase he had engraved on this charm would draw him back to me.

Weeks passed without a word from Matt, even though he said he would keep in touch. My prayer was he found shelter and safety while his arm healed. I just kept feeling the charm as it rested between my breasts where Matt had placed it all those years ago. I had to believe that he still meant what he had engraved on it and hoped that he would come back.

After closing one evening, I was sitting at a back table in the Long Branch trying to work on the books. Even though we were closed, I had yet to shut the doors and lock up. My mind kept drifting to Matt and praying that he would come home soon. I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I didn't hear those familiar steps on the boardwalk. When I heard the batwing doors open and someone step in I stood up ready to let them know I was closed. When I turned, there stood my cowboy. All I could say was "Oh Matt!" My mind was in shock at the sight of him. All either of us could do was stand and stare at one another.

Finally, we both started moving at the same time. His arm was still in a sling, but as we came together my arms went around his waist as his good arm wrapped around me. Laying my head against his chest, I could feel the rapid beat of his heart. Pulling away, he raised my chin and took my mouth in a passionate kiss. His tongue sought and found entrance exploring, tasting, and dueling with mine. Oh how I had missed him.

Locking the doors, we climbed the stairs and entered my rooms. Taking my hand he pulled me toward the settee. Sitting down, he drew me into his lap holding me close. We just sat they savoring the feel of one another and thankful to be together again. I don't know how long we sat there.

I couldn't believe he was home. I had so many questions, but didn't ask any. I figured when he was ready, the answers would come. What did happen next broke my heart and then filled me with pure sweet joy.

I started to move off of Matt, when he stopped me, I looked deep into his dazzling blue eyes and saw fear, joy, love, and concern and it scared me. Did he come home just to tell me he was leaving for good?

His next words left me breathless and heartbroken. "Kitty, could I have the silver charm back?"

"Why?" I said as I stood barely able to control my emotions.

"I just need to have it."

I thought about refusing, but what good would it do. If his love for me was over, then I didn't want the reminder of what he once declared to me.

As if in slow motion, I reached up and unfastened the chain. Pulling the charm out of my dress, I placed it in his large open hand. One of the hands that knew all the right places to love me. Turning away from him and walking to the window, I stared out into the night. Then barely able to get the words out I said, "Matt, I think you should leave."

My heart was shattered and my mind had gone blank so I didn't notice that the door didn't open or that footsteps were moving toward me.

"Kitty, please look at me." Matt said as he took my arm and turned me toward him.

"Cowboy, please don't break my heart any more than you have. You got what you came for now please just leave."

"I'm not leaving because you're wrong I don't have what I want."

Staring at the floor with tears flowing, I didn't see him pull a box out of his pocket or that he had removed the sling. Lifting my chin with his finger, he looked into my eyes and said, "Kitty, remember when I gave you the charm. It was a declaration of my love for you. A love that would last a lifetime and so you would always have a reminder. I had my love engraved on it so you would never forget. I wanted the charm because I am replacing it."

When I took the time to really look and listen to Matt I noticed in his hands were the charm and a small black box.

"Kitty, I gave you this continuous circle of silver as a reminder that my love was never ending. I asked for it back because I want to replace it with this."

Opening the box revealed a band of pure gold graced with a diamond.

"Honey, my love for you has grown deeper as the years and trials have taken place. I realized while I was out on the prairie that it was time to put you first. Kitty Russell, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife and excepting this circle of gold which has no beginning and no end just like my love for you."

Removing the ring from the box, he handed it to me. "Read the inscription."

Turning the ring so I could read the engraving, I found the phrase that had carried me through the years. It said, "forever and a day."

Looking into his crystal blue eyes through the tears in mine, I placed the ring in his hand and said, "Yes!"

Matt hadn't given up on us, but was taking us on a new journey of love that would last all eternity.

As I came back to the present, I looked at the silver charm and then the gold band on my left hand. Matt had placed it there twenty-five years ago today as I became Mrs. Matt Dillon. I guess that's what had flooded my mind with the memories and drawn me to bring out the charm.

As I place the charm back into the box, the bedroom door open and in came in my handsome cowboy.

Putting the box on the dresser, I turned and went into the arms of my husband as he covered my mouth with his. The passion and love that we felt for one another had only grown stronger over the thirty plus years we had been together. I knew as he held me in his arms that our love would truly last "forever and a day."

The End


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